Sandra's Tales of Translation

2010-03-06T07:58:00.000-08:00

Stick it to the man!

Let me say it one more time.

STICK! IT! TO! THE! MAN!

So I'm hanging out on Facebook the other day and I'm procrastinating responding to an RFP we got (for an existing client, but a formality is a formality). I don't have a template for an RFP and I'm feeling rather uninspired so I change my status to something along the lines of "looking for a template for an RFP for professional services (or translation)".

A few minutes later a Facebook friend of mine who is the owner of an advertising agency we did work for last in 1997 comments, "Have you ever heard of Transflawed?" (Of course, she calls it by its rightful name, but we all know they don't even come close to living up to their moniker.) "Yes, unfortunately," I write back. "Why?" She responds in short order. "We use them. They are doing some Greek for us right now. Do you certify your translations?"

I pick up the phone, call my friend, and tell her under no uncertain terms that she has to cancel the Greek job with Transflawed and send her project over to me now for quoting. Which she does.

It is a 38-word ad regarding international travel. "How much are they charging you for this?" I ask. She tells me. I am absolutely horrified. It's a ridiculous amount and most of it because they have a huge minimum fee, and then they're charging for post-layout review, too. Come on!

I quote her one third of the price. "I'll send you the PO in a little bit," she responds. Immediately.

How can we quote so much less? Well, we don't have as much overhead. We don't mark up our vendor rates 500% in order to afford our 500+ project managers and offices all over the world. We don't have offices on Park Avenue. And, oh yeah, we aren't greedy!

Score: Alboum & Associates 1, Impersonal Huge Agency in NYC, 0.

So there, Transflawed! Take that!

2010-02-23T09:12:00.000-08:00

We have an awesome bunch of translators and interpreters at Alboum & Associates. They are truly the backbone of our service, and without them, we'd be just another low-quality, undependable outfit (of which there are many in our industry).

I am honored to share that one of our English to Chinese translators and interpreters was recently hired by the Chinese CDC (Centers for Disease Control) to serve as the interpreter for Dr. Sinead Jones, Director of the Tobacco Control Department of the International Union Against Tuberculosis and Lung Disease (IUATLD, a current client of ours) in Changping, China.

We are very proud of him and his expertise. We're excellent at public health work, but we do lots of other things, too! Contact us with your translation project for a no-obligation quote. We'd be delighted to work with you.

2010-02-22T18:58:00.000-08:00

Okay, there's no doubt. Trans-Flawed project manager (same as all the last postings) is officially on the "World's Dumbest PMs" list.

TP guy at 6:08pm:
"Could you complete an ES>EN translation of about 1,100 words by today, Monday 2/22 at 8:30pm EST (in about 2.5 hours)?"

[Then the usual language about how they won't show me the work to be done until I sign off on their idiotic Independent Contractor's Agreement. AGAIN.]

Me:
"No."

I'm sure someone finked out on them. But come on, guys! How many times do you have to shoot yourself in the foot to remember that it hurts and you shouldn't do it again? Pay good money, hire professional, reliable people, and treat them right! Then they won't leave you hanging with 2.5 hours to go on a project and half a day's work, at a minimum. Duh.

2010-02-22T05:50:00.000-08:00

Just to show that nothing -- NOTHING -- good comes of cigarettes and smoking and tobacco, there was a news story on today's CNN.com about a cigarette vendor in Indonesia (a country where 60% of the populace smokes) who has admitted to raping and killing over 12 children. Sad on so many levels.

2010-02-18T06:05:00.001-08:00

This is fabulous on why proofing is so, so important. Enjoy!

2010-02-02T09:44:00.000-08:00

Again?!

SAME Project Manager. I'm convinced now that he's actually a machine.

10:49pm EST, Monday night
TP Guy:
"Could you translate about 1,500 words from Spanish (LA) into English by Tuesday 2/2 7am EST?"

Me:
"Sure. I am happy to pull all-nighters for companies that give my industry a bad name. Send it on over. Sleep is overrated. I do my best work when I'm comatose."

TP Guy's auto response:
"I am currently out of the office..."

2010-01-30T09:50:00.000-08:00

They're at it again. Trans-Imperfect. Last night -- at 10:03pm EST -- I got an email from the very same project manager with whom I exchanged emails a few days ago, offering me another ridiculous job with a ridiculous turnaround for what were probably ridiculous rates.

This time, our exchange was pretty short.

TP guy:
"I have a new ES>EN translation I was hoping you could help me with. It is a legal document with about 10,000 words. Could you complete this by Sunday 1/31 8am EST? Please let me know how many words you can take by the deadline and I'd be happy to send you a PO."

[Then the usual language about how they won't show me the work to be done until I sign off on their idiotic Independent Contractor's Agreement. Again.]

Me:
"Dear TP Guy: Are you a robot?"

TP guy:
"I'm currently out of the office and will return Monday at 2pm EST. Please always select 'reply all' when responding to emails, as this will ensure that my colleagues in our NY and London offices can get back to you. Please do not start working on a job without a PO and email XXX with any urgent requests."

So this time they wanted 10,000 words (about 3 days of work) turned around in 36 hours, and over a weekend, no less. Starting at 10pm on a Friday night.

Why is every project they send over a last minute rush job? Don't they know how to educate their client so that translation is a *part of the process* and not an afterthought?

2010-01-27T07:49:00.000-08:00

Back to translation matters. Last night I received a translation request from our friends at Trans-no-so-Perfect. You know, the ones who always send emails at the oddest of hours, asking for super fast turnaround on super huge jobs for super low rates. Yes, them. I really think that their project managers (all eight million of them, because I think there are at least that many, and I never hear from the same one twice) are brainwashed to think that this modus operandi, if you will, is normal in our business. Check out our exchange from last night:

TP guy:
We have a very urgent job we'd greatly appreciate your help with. There are 9 PDFs with a total of about 6,000 words. Please let me know how many files you can take. We are trying to get this back by W 1/27 10:00am EST.

[And a lot of language about how they won't even send me the files till I sign their Independent Contractor Agreement. Gee, that sure helps me to evaluate my ability to help you when you're in a bind...]

Me:
How many files can I take? It's 11:36pm here in Washington DC - and you want this back in 11 hours? What sort of quality do you expect from someone up this late, or from asking someone to get less than a full night's sleep to wake up at 5am and work like a fiend for you for 5 hours for what sure is sub-standard pay? Or to pull an all-nighter? Sorry to be a grouch, but let's be realistic about this. Why are you asking people on the East Coast to do this?

TP guy:
How many files would you be able to take? Overall there are about 5500 words. If you agree to the ICA terms over email (you can just say "I agree to the ICA terms"), then I can send you the files. We are aware that the quality will have to suffer due to time constraints, but we are emailing people in all time zones as we are having such a difficult time placing this. Please let me know. Thanks!

Me:
None. I am off to bed, to get a good 8 hours of rest before I take my kids to school in the morning and start work promptly at 9am. Best of luck. PS. Maybe you guys should stop promising your clients ridiculous deliveries and then you wouldn't get stuck trying to divvy up a 5500 word text into a ton of pieces in order for your employer to turn a fast buck. You know?!

TP guy:
The scope of the projects is not up to me. Hopefully next time!

[I am a robot. I am a robot. I do what I am told. I am a robot.]

Sheesh, buddy. Maybe you'll realize that there are agencies out there (like mine) that believe in quality and don't promise the moon when all they can deliver is a flashlight behind a sheet, huh?

2010-01-26T14:01:00.000-08:00

Nothing to do with translation.

I went to the eye doctor today to follow up on a procedure I had yesterday (I'm getting implantable contact lenses - it's what those who can't get LASIK do when they're really desperate) and when I stepped into the waiting room I thought I was stepping into a nursing home. Seriously. My eye doctor must do a HUGE cataract practice because the average age of people in his waiting room was like 85. Or more. So
I took a photo. Yes, the woman in beige was ASLEEP!

2010-01-22T17:39:00.000-08:00

I just read a story on CNN.com about a a city on the US-Mexico border that now has no bookstore. Not a single one. Laredo, Texas, population 250,000 doesn't have a Barnes & Noble. Or a Borders. Or anything. The B. Dalton in the "Mall del Norte" was shut down by its corporate parent (Barnes & Noble) because, while that store was profitable, B. Dalton wasn't profitable on the overall. The closest bookstore is now 150 miles away now, in San Antonio. Amazing. And so sad.

2010-01-21T11:37:00.000-08:00

I'm spending the day emailing some old clients of ours and asking them to think about possible colleagues who might be in need of translation services. A referral goes a long way in opening the door to new clients!

Anyhow, there's a client we did some work for back in 2005 -- works at a great organization doing environmental defense -- and I wanted to contact him, but I've long since lost his email address. His employer doesn't have a directory online, and his profile on their website (under experts) doesn't have an email for him. So I called the switchboard at his organization.

Receptionist: Can I help you?
Me: Hi, yes, I'd like to know the naming convention for your emails at XXX. If I want to email someone is it their first initial of their first name and then their last name? Their first name dot their last name?
Receptionist: I can't give you that information.
Me: I'm not asking me to give you someone's email. I just want to know how it works so I can email someone there whose email I've lost.
Receptionist: Who do you want to email?
Me: XYZ.
Receptionist: I'll connect you.
Me: NO! I don't want to talk to him! I just want to send him an email.
Receptionist: I can't give you that information. I can only connect you.
Me: Never mind.
*click*

Geez. There's no need to be difficult, lady!

So I did a Google search on the guy and it took me about 2 minutes to find out that it's the first name and the first letter of the last name, so John Jones would be johnj@whatever.com.

You can't see me, but I'm thumbing my nose at the receptionist. So there.

2010-01-21T07:36:00.000-08:00

Hooray! Arlington, Virginia (where Alboum & Associates is headquartered) has been named as one of the Top Seven Intelligent Communities of the Year by the "Intelligent Community Forum". Arlington was in competition with cities worldwide for this honor, and of the top seven, only two are in the United States.

The Intelligent Community Forum is a think tank that studies the economic and social development of the 21st Century community.

More information on Arlington's award can be found here.

2010-01-21T06:21:00.001-08:00

Alboum & Associates is proud to have donated $100 to the American Red Cross for Haiti relief efforts.

We recognize that we are lucky to have a high quality life in a place that is not prone to natural disasters such as the one that took place in Haiti.

We fully support the American Red Cross in its efforts, and hope that Haiti recovers from this severe blow soon.

2010-01-20T14:15:00.000-08:00

Why?

I just got a call from Verizon. They wanted to speak with K.P. We get lots of calls for her. She apparently used to have our phone number before it was assigned to us over two years ago. K.P. must be an irresponsible person, because honestly, most of the calls she gets are from debt collectors.

Anyhow, Verizon just called, asking to speak to her. And I had to tell the Verizon lady, "Hey, she doesn't have this number. She hasn't had this number for more than two years. And YOU GUYS WERE THE ONES WHO TOOK IT AWAY FROM HER AND GAVE IT TO ME, REMEMBER?!"

Such a clear case of the left hand not talking to the right...

2010-01-13T06:32:00.001-08:00

Snarky morning!

Received to sandra@alboum.com at 9:16am:

Hello Isabel,

I am the new XXX Solutions Specialist responsible for supporting your region. Are you available this week for a brief discussion of your current business objectives? I would like to share some creative ideas about how you can reduce expenses and increase productivity throughout your organization. Please reply with the best time to reach you.

My response:

I am not interested, thank you. Also, my name is not Isabel.

Shoot, guys, if you want to sell me something, the least you can do is call me by my right name...

2009-11-05T08:02:00.001-08:00

Something you never want to hear from someone who owes you money (in this case, a fellow agency):

Me: "I'm following up on this invoice, which is currently 9 days past due. XXX confirmed receipt of it at 2:37pm on 9/26/09. Please issue payment at this time."

Them: "Good morning: I reminded XXX that your invoice is overdue and hope he will get to his accounting soon. Thank you for your patience."

They *hope* that XXX (the CEO of the company) will get to his accounting soon?! What kind of excuse is that??!!

2009-10-19T13:35:00.001-07:00

Funny afternoon:

Client sends over a 75-word handwritten document that looks to be in Arabic. We talk on the phone and I tell him, "No problem, I'll just send it to my Arabic guy and we'll get it done ASAP."

About 15 minutes later, he calls me and says, "Did you say Arabic? This is Farsi." "Oh," I said. "No problem, I'll send it to my Farsi guy!"

So I call my Farsi guy and he's in route back to his house, but he's about 90 minutes away (he lives in the middle of nowhere) and he says, "I'll look at it when I get home."

Around 4:15pm, the phone rings and it's Farsi guy. "Sandra, this isn't Farsi," he says. "This is Arabic."

"GEEZ!" I tell him. "Thanks!"

So I call the client. "Hey," I say, "This is actually Arabic." "OOPS!" the client says. "I'll send it to my Arabic guy," I tell him.

And off I go to call my Arabic guy.

Gosh, I hope my Arabic guy doesn't call me back once he sees the document and say, "Hey, this isn't Arabic-- this is Pashto!" (Or something of the sort...)

2009-10-14T08:24:00.000-07:00

*ring ring*

Me: Hello, this is Sandra?
Caller: Hi, this is Deborah and I'm calling from XYZ Company. Can I please speak to the person in charge of your office move?
Me: Excuse me? The person in charge of my what?
Caller: Your office move.
Me: Um, we're not moving offices.
Caller: Well, we have you down as wanting to move offices in the next year or two.
Me: I don't know who would have told you *that*.
Caller: So you're not planning to move offices?
Me: I have no plans to move offices.
Caller: Can I speak to the person who would be in charge IF you moved offices?
Me: But we're not moving offices.
Caller: You have no plans to move offices?
Me: I already said that.
Caller: Thank you and good day.

*click*

2009-10-10T11:20:00.000-07:00

I just received this email from a translation agency located near Easton, Pennsylvania.

SHAME ON THEM.

"Dear XXX registered linguist,
We were just awarded long term project, involving high volumes of daily Spanish into English work. We will need translation, proofing etc. Considering a very tight budget for that particular project, please reply if AND ONLY IF you can afford working at 2cents per word. We are waiting for your response ASAP."

$0.02/word amounts to about $1200/month. What professional can (or would?) survive on such an amount? Oh yeah, I'm worth $14,400/year in salary. Horrible. Horrible. Horrible.

2009-10-06T17:45:00.000-07:00

I swear, I never get tired of these Nigerian scam emails. This one is from a rich but hostile Portuguese man named Francisco de Manuel Mateus who is dying of cancer and wants to give me all of his money because his wife (I suppose someone has to marry rich, hostile men) is running off to marry Francisco's personal friend and attorney (who one would assume is no longer a friend).

Such good fortune I have!

I'd love to see this guy and his "very hopeless and selfish family members". I might actually write back. Ha!

"Hello, Please contact me through my private e-mail ( franciscoff2@cantv.net )

My Name is Sr. Francisco De Manuel Mateus, I am from Portugal I have been diagnosed with cancer. It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts. I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself) but my business.

Though I am very rich, I was never generous,I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for.But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world.

I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it.I Would want to have a Personal and Trustworthy Relationship with you, as I intend and willing to empower the change of ownership for the transfer of my Deposits to your personal possession for further Investment and Charity Disbursement to the Less Privilege and Homeles write me via my mail: franciscoff2@cantv.net

I will send you the photos of me and my very hopeless and selfish family members, including my wife, who I learnt is getting married to my personal friend and attorney, Thank you for your due consideration. God be with you.You can reach me through my private email address at franciscoff2@cantv.net

Sr. Francisco De Manuel Mateus."

2009-09-08T07:03:00.000-07:00

I was looking at cnn.com this morning and noticed that there was a local news story about a hiker who, immediately after accepting a marriage proposal on the Billy Goat Trail here in the DC area (a nice trail that runs on the Potomac, good views), fell onto some sharp rocks and had to be airlifted to the local hospital.

The story was from WJLA, our local ABC affiliate. I was surprised to see that they offer the stories on their website in Spanish, but quite dismayed to see that they use Google Translate to do it. Following is the second paragraph of the story in English, with its respective (horrible) translation into Spanish:

"The unidentified couple was hiking the Billy Goat Trail along the Potomac River Sunday went something went right, then wrong."

which turned into

"La pareja no identificado fue la ruta de senderismo a lo largo del macho cabrio Domingo rio Potomac fue algo salio bien, entonces mal."

This single sentence has so many grammar and word choice mistakes that it should NEVER be used in a professional setting for a translation. Google Translate isn't bad for getting the "gist" of something -- but this is embarrassing for a professional news outfit.

Shame on WJLA. They tried to take the shortcut on the translation route, and much like this hiker, they fell onto the rocks. The only airlift to safety would be the use of a professional translation services company like Alboum & Associates...

2009-09-02T19:01:00.000-07:00

Hilarious scam email I got today. I swear, they get more creative as time goes by. Copied exactly as received:

--
United Nations has sent you a message on united nations

UNITED NATIONS COMPENSATION UNIT/ PRESIDENT BARRACK OBAMA CAMPAIHGN, IN AFFILIATION WITH THE UNION BANK

ATTN: BENEFICIARY,

We have been having a meeting for the passed one (1) month which ended 2 days ago with the secretary to the UNITED NATIONS. This email is to all the people that have been scammed in any part of the world.

The UNITED NATIONS have agreed to compensate them with the sum of US$500,000.00 This includes every foriegn contractors that may have not received their contract sum,and people that have had an unfinished transaction or international businesses that failed due to Government problems etc.

However,it is our pleasure to inform you that your ATM Card Number; 5456 7264 1959 0754 has been approved and upgraded in your favor. Meanwhile,your Secret Pin Number will be available as soon as you contact Head international bank Division.

So you are hereby advice to forward to this office HEAD INTERNATIONAL BANK DIVISION ATM value CARD Department.

Therefore you should send her your full Name and Telephone number/your correct mailing address where you want her to send your (ATM CARD PAYMENTS ) We shall be waiting to hearing from you been certain that your response will be that you are satisfied and willing to claim your $500,000.00 USD (five hundred thousand Dollars) reimbursement funds.

CONTACT HEAD INTERNATIONAL BANK DIVISION Contact Mrs Linda Steven immediately for your ATM SWIFT CARD:
Person to Contact Mrs Linda Steven
Email: linda_steven@ymail.com

Thanks and God bless you and your family.
Hoping to hear from you as soon as you receive your ATM.
Making the world a better place

Best Regards,
Mr.Bank KI-Moon
New United Nations
Secretary GENERAL
--

The New United Nations? Is that some splinter group that's unhappy with the work the "Old" United Nations is doing? Also, you would think that the Secretary GENERAL (why General is in all caps is beyond me), a very high post in this new fandangled UN, would have literacy as a requirement. Mr. Ban KI-Moon obviously never learned how to write in English. Oh, and not to mention that the real UN Secretary-General (note the hyphen and lack of caps on the title) is named Ban Ki-moon and this guy is Bank KI-Moon. Is this his evil twin in Opposite Land?! Oh, and maybe in Opposite Land, the spelling of Barrack Obama with two r's is okay? Because the *real* Barack only has one. The more r's the better, though, right?

I just think it's nice that someone is going to offer me $500,000 for "every foriegn contractors that may have not received their contract sum,and people that have had an unfinished transaction or international businesses that failed due to Government problems etc."

How magnanimous of them!

2009-08-20T11:31:00.000-07:00

Email received this afternoon from company located in the Metropolitan DC area:

---
Dear Candidate,

As a federal government contractor XXX provides language support, Intelligence analysis, and IT solutions to several government agencies such as Dept of Defense, Dept of State, Defense Intelligence Agency, just to name a few. XXX was recently recognized as one of America's 500 fastest growing private companies and bestowed the prestigious XXX award.

We are currently looking for qualified and professional interpreters and translators to support the United States Army at XXX [an Army base located halfway across the country].

In order to be eligible to participate in the program, candidates must successfully complete a thorough background investigation (DOD Counter Intelligence Screening) as well as a language evaluation.

Additional highlights on the this project as follows:

Assignment Date: from 9/11/2009 to 9/22/2009
Location: [base halfway across the country]
Employment: Translator/Interpreter
Qualification Requirements: Must be able to read, write and speak Spanish/English fluently
Compensation rate: Hourly $ 24.82
Must be willing and able to perform 12 hours shifts for continuous 24 hours operations.

----

HUH? $25/hour for 12 hour shifts halfway across the country?!

So... I responded.

----
Hello,

Thanks for your email. Are you really offering only $25/hour for this position, which requires 12 hour shifts over 11 days? That's 40% of what I make hourly working here in DC, without travel, and without the grueling hours.

Good luck in finding the qualified professionals you need for this contract.
----

They obviously didn't get it. Email received:

----
Thank you for your prompt response. This job is not a permanent job, it is only between September 11th to September 22nd.
----

My response:

----
I understand, but what I am saying is that I can book an assignment here in town quite easily that pays $60/hour or more for those days, full day conferences at a rate of $600-650/day, and not have to go all the way out to [middle of nowhere] to work 12 hour shifts. I hope you're looking at candidates in [middle of nowhere], because $25/hour pay in the DC market is far, far below what professional full-time translators and interpreters are willing to accept.
----

Oh sure, like I'm going to pack my bags, leave my family for [middle of nowhere], work 12 hour shifts like a dog for 11 days, and only make what I could make in half the time here in DC, sleeping in my own bed, and seeing my kids every night!

Sheesh.

2009-08-18T12:14:00.000-07:00

Happy mid-August, everyone. It's the height of humidity in the nation's capital, and I stay inside a lot because outside is just plain soupy.

This leaves me a lot of time for work activities. To recap what I've been up to recently:

- I've been having some great sessions with my business coach, Margarita Rozenfeld, of Incite International. Over the past few months, we've analyzed what it is that I do all day, what it is that I want to do all day (more about that later), how I am going to get to that point of doing what I want to do all day, and how I am NOT going to get to that point. It's been a roller coaster journey for me, because I am very much a detail person, and Margarita is forcing me to look at things from a big picture perspective. It's hard!

- I met with Rebecca Ryckman, principal at The Stiletto Group, which focuses on marketing for small and medium-sized businesses. We are going to see if perhaps she and her firm can help me with putting together a marketing roadmap for Alboum & Associates. Future growth depends on a coherent, focused message to a coherent, focused audience, and I know that I need assistance in putting that together.

- I attended "Social Media Jumpstart for Women Business Owners and Entrepreneurs", a seminar on how to leverage Facebook, Twitter, and all those types of sites. While the seminar itself was lacking some focus, I did come away with a renewed belief in the fact that blogging is NOT a waste of time, and being on Facebook isn't either. Well, it *can* be. You just have to be doing the right things for it not to be!

- I attended "Six Steps to a Strong, Compelling Brand", sponsored by Yes!Circle. It was run by Rebecca Carpenter of Reach Consulting, who has worked with brands like Disney, P&G, PwC, National Geographic, etc. I went with my friend and client, Maggy Sterner, of the Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids. It was interesting that when we worked on the exercise of finding three words that characterized our brand, Maggy chimed in and said, "I can tell you how I'd describe you -- totally 100% reliable!". Thanks, Maggy :-)

- I RSVPed for the 50th Annual American Translators Association Annual Conference in New York City. 1800 translators and agency owners getting together to talk shop. Alboum & Associates will be taking out our translators and DTP folks who come to the event to dinner on Thursday, October 29, to Becco Restaurant, owned by Lidia Bastianich. I can't wait!

So we've been busy around here. Tomorrow evening, a networking event on the rooftop of the Jones Day building down by Union Station. A couple client lunches coming up ... and new clients knocking at the door!

Enjoy the last few days before Labor Day, because fall is just around the corner.

2009-08-03T14:13:00.000-07:00

Oops! They did it again.

My husband just received another solicitation from a very large translation agency based in New York that happens to have the word "Perfect" in its name.

Boy, what a first impression.

It was addressed to

Joanathon Alboum
United States Department of Agriculture
Office of Financial Management
3101 Park Center Dr.
Alexandria, DC 22302

BZZT! Error 1: My husband's name is spelled Jonathan. Not Joanathon. Sheesh.
BZZT! Error 2: He is not in the USDA's Office of Financial Management.
BZZT! Error 3: Alexandria is in Virginia, not in DC.

For being so flawless, this agency sure made a heck of a lot of errors. Would you hired them based on this brief display of their QC skills? I think not!